COOL

Attention Hollywood: We're overdue for a Justice League movie!

Ok, this is the trailer for the new DC Universe Online game coming out in November, but I'm not posting this to promote the game. Look, Hollywood, I'm just going to lay this out there, plain and simple: Give us a Justice League movie. I'm tired of screwing around with you. I.. WE have been waiting patiently for years while you screw around making hokey movies based on individual characters, like dreamy-and-fresh-out-of-college Brandon Routh Superman, or I-growl-and-bark-a-lot-but-I'm-still-a-complete-tool-douche Christian Bale Batman. Quite frankly, I'm getting tired of waiting for you to figure it out, so I'm going to flat-out tell you how this needs to go down.

As with all movies, it needs to start out with storyline. Make this a serious story, one that deals with a genuine problem or threat, and not just some "Hey guys, we're all super awesome! Let's team up, beat up the bad guys, and get some pizza!" mentality. And Hollywood, good God, listen; it does NOT need to be an origin story! You always, ALWAYS do that! You always make the first movie the origin story! It doesn't matter! Just make an awesome movie, get people hooked, and save the origin story for later on!

Now, we move onto character design and casting. Personally, I really enjoyed the CGI feel employed in this DC Universe trailer. It was completely awesome, and I would totally be cool with a similarly-styled full length feature. However, I do realize that real actors tend to give more believable performances, which allow the audience to identify more with the plight of the characters. So, in the event that it's a live-action movie, here is my tip to you: Do NOT cast big name celebrities for the movie. Whenever you guys bring on big-time A-list celebrities, the movie always becomes more about them than it does about the characters and the story. Cast some new, undiscovered talents that are still hungry, and who will do the most with the role. (Oh, one with exception for Mark Hamill - he is the Joker.)

Lastly, if you start tailoring this movie towards polls and market trends to attract your hip, young demographics, I will come to LA and start firebombing. If there is ever a writers/producers/directors meeting where someone mentions, "Hey, kids like skateboards and Livestrong bracelets! Let's throw a 15 year old skateboarding superhero in there somewhere to identify with the kids today!" everybody in that meeting is obiligated to stop right there, stand up, walk over to the person who uttered the offense, and they are to kick said person in taint repeatedly until their big toe breaks.

And tying into the casting arguments above, and what I alluded to at the beginning of this rant, cast the characters as they are supposed to be. The members of the Justice League are men and women, not kids. They are in their late 20s or 30s, and they have maturity levels to match. Don't cast the next heartthrob for Teen Beat magazine. Cast f**king Superman as a man. If Robert Pattinson's or Taylor Lautner's names are anywhere near this picture, I will hire an old streetwalking hooker with genital warts to piss in all of your coffee pots. [ME GUSTA]

Oh, and one more thing. Can we get rid of the rubber and leather suits? Unless the movie is based in some weird techno-future where the costumes have some kind of function or purpose, let's just stick with realistic costumes. The faux-muscles are fooling anyone. Put the actors on the 300 diet and workout regimen and make them look the part.

Now go and make this movie happen, Hollywood. If you need me for more creative consulting, my email is in my profile here.

By: Spanky | Jul 27th, 2010 (10:44 AM) | Thanks: MFLS

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