Having met a few fazers, I can say with confidence you are all probably smarter than me.

Baba: if you can't control your emotional state, you must be addicted to it

Spaz: Best time to plant an oak tree is 30 years ago. Second best time is today

MOOB a77: sometimes even a blind chicken gets a grain of corn

LadyA: life is a roller coaster..you guys will be fine as long as you don't take each other for granted

Quellan: I subscribe to the philosophy that if you think it's unclear you should raise the stakes until it becomes clear

Cheech Wizard, re: having kids early -- "If people waited till they were old and smart, the human race would have been long gone."

dhamangry -- "Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

jpkeates -- "Soup in the shower gradually gets less tasty, but never runs out"

..............

Some of my favo(u)rite MK gems -- wish I'd started this list earlier

she probably dropped her meat pie whilst she came and said something classy like "i bloody love it when you do me up the shitter, pet"

cunting rats, pet rats are lush, mangy fucking ones suck harder than a henry

oh pissflaps, my clock let me down :(

you should come to bristol and duff up the nasty jed for sullying your name!

there are some sad sacks who go to clubs just to hang around by the bar staring at women like complete tosspots and wonder why they end up going home for a wank and a pot noodle

i'm sat here sweating my tits off watching shit telly and admiring my new banksy print that my mate bought me as a belated birthday pressie :)

i don't know,but i hope they cock off! they are constantly scratching round up there with their double incontinence -- chuff off mice!

if i said "take that girl and do her up the wrong'un" it would be a bit more bristolian

i don't mean to sound rude but having children isn't like having a nutsack cat

my cocking throat is burning to buggery. nothing is shifting this bad boy

i would feel uncomfy dropping my trousers and spreading me legs then saying to my mum "take this needle to my cunt and make me sexy"

i wanted to shout at them to shut their cunting dog up. i was trying to have a lie in but their attention whore of a canine had other ideas

my contant colds/ sore throats... i sound like some sort of sex pest on the phone at work

they are bloody rubbish. still haven't turned up and don't have whistiles these days and rarely wear their tit hats

Q: What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

A: You can't marmalade your cock up a girl's arse.

if larger ladies like the rumpy pumpy and can obtain it, fair play

Fucking ballbags! I've run out of the cunting ingredients I needed for my tea!

I wouldn't have got it as I was a numpty and lost phone last week!

"i'm bloody cream crackered"

"it feels like someone coming up to me, laughing that i'm ill, then punching me square in the lady garden"

geodave said:

If a T-rex having its period is "just stupid", I'm on the wrong Internet.

Absolutely priceless

This community impresses me to no end. I love you all.

......................

Best poet on Fazed right here:

jiffee said:

i think you can do much better than me...
after all the lies i made you believe
quilt kicks in and you start to see
the edge of the bed where your panties use to be..
whoaaaaaa... i told myself i won't miss you
but i remember
what it feels like inside you
i really miss your tits in my face
and the way your pussy tastes..
and i think you should know this....
you deserve his janitor's balls over me and you deserve much better than me.

jiffee said:

she makes me brush my teeth before I kiss her
she makes me wash my hands before i touch her
she says she is a very clean woman.
i guess im a dirty mofo. i guess i clean up well.

Good stuff, those janitor's balls.

I love this kind of pep talk...

"When I go back in side, I better hear one hundred and ten percent perfection. Or I'll leave ya here. I'll take you as far as Detroit and you got it. Try me. Fuckers. Try me this next set and see if you get away with one piece of shit. You try it. I'll fire ya on the fuckin band stand. You don't only insult me but you insult yourselves. Don't you have any more pride? Where's your fucking pride, where's your professionalism? Assholes. That's what...that's what you play like. Where's your own fuckin pride in yourself? Or don't you have any cause your so fuckin dumb that you don't have any pride? Get outta here, right now. I'll have nothin to do with you. You get up on that band stand and you play your ass off."

Buddy Rich

...................................

"I returned to these sacred cities on the other side of the Tigris the sanctuaries of which have been ruins for a long time, the images which used to live therein and established for them permanent sanctuaries. I also gathered all their former inhabitants and returned them to their habitations. Furthermore, I resettled upon the command of Marduk, the great lord, all the gods of Kiengir and Akkade whom Nabonidus had brought into Babilani to the anger of the lord of the gods, unharmed, in their former temples, the places which make them happy."