He's used to giving people low'un's
"Man, they bent me over on that deal!"
"Yeah those guys really don't have good prices."
"No, man. I got bent over during the deal."
"Yeah those guys really don't have good prices."
"No, man. I got bent over during the deal."
moar
I have so much to read.
Dammit Brit! I was holding off for you!
Where the fuck were you?!?!
Where the fuck were you?!?!
yeah- i lost my apt- moved- and now im living in my hometown saving cash with a friend.
still havnt caught up in the thread yet.
sobriety seems to be temporarily lost as of a few weeks ago.
still havnt caught up in the thread yet.
sobriety seems to be temporarily lost as of a few weeks ago.
MOAR
http://toys-2-cum.com/images/GNRIZE2-1.jpg
This fucking pill.
We would get a batch of these pills twice a month. A single pill would run anywhere from 8.99 to 11.99 based on how much we thought they'd want it. We'd carry the bottle of 12 and a bottle of 30 and fluctuate prices based on who was working. They ALWAYS sold and made a welcome addition to your commissioned check.
When I first started working there, Rick loved the idea that someone as mentally fucked up as he is was working with him. If he worked the 4-12 shift and I was coming in at midnight, he'd stick around a couple more hours to bullshit with me.
The first time he did that, he claimed that he didn't want to go home because his fiancee was in town from Mexico and was at his pad. It was a weekend, and he wanted to try his luck with our weekend drunken crowd. He started telling me about a nurse that he was fucking from the kid's hospital a couple exits away. After talking with him for a bit, I went to the vending machine and used my key to get me a Vault.
I began to complain about how I didn't want to work and how I was exhausted and how the job got me addicted to energy drinks and anything with massive amounts of caffeine. We begin our conversation about "hot bitches" and how he loves to get his asshole licked. During this conversation, the mostly consumed Vault and copious amount of coffee works its way and causes me to iterate the phrase, "Gotta pee. I've got the bladder of a 4 year old." I get up and head to the bathroom, conveniently across from the vending machine. I take one of those pisses that makes you throw your head back.
I get back to the podium where Rick is waiting outside smoking two cigarettes at the same time. I finish my Vault and make my way outside where he's got this huge grin on his face as he hands me the Ligget.
This fucking pill.
We would get a batch of these pills twice a month. A single pill would run anywhere from 8.99 to 11.99 based on how much we thought they'd want it. We'd carry the bottle of 12 and a bottle of 30 and fluctuate prices based on who was working. They ALWAYS sold and made a welcome addition to your commissioned check.
When I first started working there, Rick loved the idea that someone as mentally fucked up as he is was working with him. If he worked the 4-12 shift and I was coming in at midnight, he'd stick around a couple more hours to bullshit with me.
The first time he did that, he claimed that he didn't want to go home because his fiancee was in town from Mexico and was at his pad. It was a weekend, and he wanted to try his luck with our weekend drunken crowd. He started telling me about a nurse that he was fucking from the kid's hospital a couple exits away. After talking with him for a bit, I went to the vending machine and used my key to get me a Vault.
I began to complain about how I didn't want to work and how I was exhausted and how the job got me addicted to energy drinks and anything with massive amounts of caffeine. We begin our conversation about "hot bitches" and how he loves to get his asshole licked. During this conversation, the mostly consumed Vault and copious amount of coffee works its way and causes me to iterate the phrase, "Gotta pee. I've got the bladder of a 4 year old." I get up and head to the bathroom, conveniently across from the vending machine. I take one of those pisses that makes you throw your head back.
I get back to the podium where Rick is waiting outside smoking two cigarettes at the same time. I finish my Vault and make my way outside where he's got this huge grin on his face as he hands me the Ligget.
great now i gotta stay up to see the second part.
I take a heavy draw from this nasty cigarette and exhale and as the smoke clears my line of sight, he's tugging his chin hair with that maniacal look in his eyes and that smile that makes me immediately uneasy.
"What the fuck are you smiling about? Is there a bug on me?"
I flail about, swatting imaginary airborne nightlife and he just chuckles to himself.
"Hey, fuck you. What the fuck are you smiling for? I don't trust that smile. Did you do something to the cigarette? Asshole!"
I flick the cigarette away, thinking he did something immature like fart on the cigarette, not that I would know the difference from that gas from the cigarette.
He laugh keeps going, I go inside in a huff and he finishes his cigarette and joins me shortly after.
As he comes in, I tell him that I was going to get another drink and call him a piece of shit.
I head back to the counter and he's got his palm faced down on the counter, and still cupped, as if he's hiding something.
"Dude, quit fucking around. I'll get one of the regulars to lick your asshole."
"Hahahahaha!" That classic Tree laugh.
He recoils his arm back to his body, revealing an empty Rize packet.
"...you motherfucker..."
I recalled chugging the last quarter of that Vault and didn't even notice it. I was doubtful. He wouldn't steal product just to fuck with me. That's an offense I'm sure that people get fired for. My mind began racing with the soundtrack of his laugh to top it all off.
"Look at it this way man," he talked as if he was doing me an unappreciated favor. "...this way you won't be sleepy."
With that, he up and grabbed his keys and left.
"I'll call you later on tonight to see how you're doing."
...fucker.
"What the fuck are you smiling about? Is there a bug on me?"
I flail about, swatting imaginary airborne nightlife and he just chuckles to himself.
"Hey, fuck you. What the fuck are you smiling for? I don't trust that smile. Did you do something to the cigarette? Asshole!"
I flick the cigarette away, thinking he did something immature like fart on the cigarette, not that I would know the difference from that gas from the cigarette.
He laugh keeps going, I go inside in a huff and he finishes his cigarette and joins me shortly after.
As he comes in, I tell him that I was going to get another drink and call him a piece of shit.
I head back to the counter and he's got his palm faced down on the counter, and still cupped, as if he's hiding something.
"Dude, quit fucking around. I'll get one of the regulars to lick your asshole."
"Hahahahaha!" That classic Tree laugh.
He recoils his arm back to his body, revealing an empty Rize packet.
"...you motherfucker..."
I recalled chugging the last quarter of that Vault and didn't even notice it. I was doubtful. He wouldn't steal product just to fuck with me. That's an offense I'm sure that people get fired for. My mind began racing with the soundtrack of his laugh to top it all off.
"Look at it this way man," he talked as if he was doing me an unappreciated favor. "...this way you won't be sleepy."
With that, he up and grabbed his keys and left.
"I'll call you later on tonight to see how you're doing."
...fucker.
haha nice one.
so how'd the night go? :D
so how'd the night go? :D
Half an hour in, I'm feeling flushed. I convince myself that it was the coffee and the fact that I'm ALWAYS horny. I find myself doing stupid shit like pressing it against the glass case of a counter to keep it down which only makes my knees weak and give.
At this point, the usual clientele are coming in and I think I'm doing a great job by hiding this raging hard on in my war-torn jeans. No one says anything and I embrace that idea as progress.
Around 4, I can't take it anymore. I go outside to smoke my 27's and with my hand in my pocket, trying to keep the throbbing to a minimal and playing inconspicuous to the people coming in. Leaving it alone makes it worse and at least shifting my thigh is causing some pleasurable relief.
The phone rings and I already know who it is.
Rather than the "Arcade Video" salutations, I answer.
"Goddamn it Rick. You piece of shit."
"Hahahahahaha! So I take it that the pill worked?"
"I hate you so much right now."
"...dude, just do what I do when I can't control it anymore. Instead of closing up for cleaning, close up, rub one out in the theater and just collect the trashes and spray the Febreeze in the booths."
I protest the thought. I can't do that. I'm new and can't be caught on the same level as these perverts, jerking off in the theater while seated in the jizz-stained, stolen movie theater seats.
"Whatever man. Alright. I gotta go. This chick is trying to fuck me." (This would eventually become a habit of his. He would always call while being blown, fucking, or getting his asshole licked.)
I flip through my phone, looking through my archive of photos of girls in poses and reminiscing on the times I fucked them and now my torso and face are absorbing the heat from my hands. I kick everyone out and find myself with, quite possibly, the strongest hard on I've ever had in the 23 years of my life.
I grab a fleshlight off camera....
...make a quick round to make sure I'm alone...
...lock the front door...
...and catch the middle of a Nautica Thorn scene.
A few months later, I found that Fleshlight in the trunk of my car after getting a flat tire off of I-10, covered in the gunk that would accumulate in the trunk of an '89 Bonneville. I chucked it into the landscaping in all of its disgusting and guilty glory.
At this point, the usual clientele are coming in and I think I'm doing a great job by hiding this raging hard on in my war-torn jeans. No one says anything and I embrace that idea as progress.
Around 4, I can't take it anymore. I go outside to smoke my 27's and with my hand in my pocket, trying to keep the throbbing to a minimal and playing inconspicuous to the people coming in. Leaving it alone makes it worse and at least shifting my thigh is causing some pleasurable relief.
The phone rings and I already know who it is.
Rather than the "Arcade Video" salutations, I answer.
"Goddamn it Rick. You piece of shit."
"Hahahahahaha! So I take it that the pill worked?"
"I hate you so much right now."
"...dude, just do what I do when I can't control it anymore. Instead of closing up for cleaning, close up, rub one out in the theater and just collect the trashes and spray the Febreeze in the booths."
I protest the thought. I can't do that. I'm new and can't be caught on the same level as these perverts, jerking off in the theater while seated in the jizz-stained, stolen movie theater seats.
"Whatever man. Alright. I gotta go. This chick is trying to fuck me." (This would eventually become a habit of his. He would always call while being blown, fucking, or getting his asshole licked.)
I flip through my phone, looking through my archive of photos of girls in poses and reminiscing on the times I fucked them and now my torso and face are absorbing the heat from my hands. I kick everyone out and find myself with, quite possibly, the strongest hard on I've ever had in the 23 years of my life.
I grab a fleshlight off camera....
...make a quick round to make sure I'm alone...
...lock the front door...
...and catch the middle of a Nautica Thorn scene.
A few months later, I found that Fleshlight in the trunk of my car after getting a flat tire off of I-10, covered in the gunk that would accumulate in the trunk of an '89 Bonneville. I chucked it into the landscaping in all of its disgusting and guilty glory.
fuck yes.
That is a bearutiful story
moar!
That is a bearutiful story
moar!
Moral of the story, we all jerk off. In one way or another, we get so worked up and there's no shame in dipping in your vices.
Haha, or something like that.
Haha, or something like that.
From: Ody Sseus X - the tenth son of the drunken and dyslexic Dr. Suess.
Date: 9/26/09 @ 9:45 PM
415
there are no morals in any of your stories shibby.
There are. Just...jizz encrusted.
I went into Seductions, the adult superstore at Yonge & Wellesley to buy a new vibrator, then after I decided to go into Aldo shoe store, and I set off the fucking security alarms.
lol
From: Ody Sseus X - the tenth son of the drunken and dyslexic Dr. Suess.
Date: 9/27/09 @ 9:36 PM
419
wait.... wait.... i think i get it...
From: Ody Sseus X - the tenth son of the drunken and dyslexic Dr. Suess.
Date: 9/27/09 @ 9:50 PM
420
no... i don't. =/
My new vibe set off the security alarms in Aldo.
From: Ody Sseus X - the tenth son of the drunken and dyslexic Dr. Suess.
Date: 9/27/09 @ 10:12 PM
422
you were hiding them in your shoe? I'm sorry, I'm a little dense, spell it out for me =)
Oh dear...have you never bought something in one store, and have it set off an alarm at another?
ME->BUY VIBRATOR->CASHIER PUTS IN PLASTIC BAG->ME WALK ACROSS THE STREET AND DOWN SOME, DECIDE TO GO INTO ALDO->VIBRATOR IN PLASTIC BAG SETS OFF SENSITIVE SECURITY ALARM->ME EMBARRASSED BECAUSE SECURITY IMMEDIATELY ASKS TO SEE WHAT'S IN BAG
Don't make me draw a picture. I'm a horrible artist.
ME->BUY VIBRATOR->CASHIER PUTS IN PLASTIC BAG->ME WALK ACROSS THE STREET AND DOWN SOME, DECIDE TO GO INTO ALDO->VIBRATOR IN PLASTIC BAG SETS OFF SENSITIVE SECURITY ALARM->ME EMBARRASSED BECAUSE SECURITY IMMEDIATELY ASKS TO SEE WHAT'S IN BAG
Don't make me draw a picture. I'm a horrible artist.
From: Ody Sseus X - the tenth son of the drunken and dyslexic Dr. Suess.
Date: 9/27/09 @ 10:25 PM
424
damn, that was much less interesting than i was hoping. This is porn stories. i was hoping you were smuggling it in a certain spot and left the tag on.
but if you wanna draw a picture of your thing, that works too.
but if you wanna draw a picture of your thing, that works too.
bwahaha
They always use the indefinite, "a dildo", never "your dildo".
Odysseus X begs for erotica.
From: Ody Sseus X - the tenth son of the drunken and dyslexic Dr. Suess.
Date: 9/28/09 @ 2:03 PM
427
new tagline ^
Needs more Shibby stories.
Working there wasn't always a negative thing. You always were "that guy with the cool job" which made icebreaking with the ladies easy to pull off. You always had those people who were all, "Dude! Hook it up! Hook it up with a job/vibe/condoms/DVDs!"
In return, they'd try to give me the hook up at whatever mundane job they had. I would get free fast food by the employees who seemed that they never wanted to sever the tie they had with the "interesting" person they knew. I got invited to parties, and even held a couple "Tupperware" parties.
I remember I asked for a night off to catch a rave. Richard Vission was playing at Club 69, and even though the show wasn't all that great, it was a good feeling to finally get out and let loose on the dance floor with a couple drinks in me.
I'd dance with a few of the girls and then head back to the bar and order more brews with a couple waters to splash on the girls to cool them off. I made this trip a few times.
A few days later at work, I'm sitting and doing nothing, again. I'm anxiously waiting for the clock to strike 5am so I can close up, clean, and smoke a cigarette in the theater while finishing SquirtWoman III with Cytheria and Tianna Lynn.
4am rolls around, and I've got my exact number of trash bags with the mop bucket already filled with one gallon bleach, Fabuloso, water, Comet, and I would spit in there once. It was a habit that originated from nothing, really.
On the camera, I see approaching lights. A Scion pulls up into my parking lot and this young kid walks out, wearing a gray wifebeater and slacks. He's got muscles to show that he's been to the gym a bit and a face that forces me to card this kid. I glance at the ID and look at him as he pulls the one half of the hair covering his left eye out of his face.
He wanders around the amateur section for a while. He'd glance at me, thinking he was inconspicuous, but very obvious and suspicious to me. I keep an eye on him, because I'm not in the mood to have to chase out a kid who could steal something from me. It would ruin my entire shift!
In return, they'd try to give me the hook up at whatever mundane job they had. I would get free fast food by the employees who seemed that they never wanted to sever the tie they had with the "interesting" person they knew. I got invited to parties, and even held a couple "Tupperware" parties.
I remember I asked for a night off to catch a rave. Richard Vission was playing at Club 69, and even though the show wasn't all that great, it was a good feeling to finally get out and let loose on the dance floor with a couple drinks in me.
I'd dance with a few of the girls and then head back to the bar and order more brews with a couple waters to splash on the girls to cool them off. I made this trip a few times.
A few days later at work, I'm sitting and doing nothing, again. I'm anxiously waiting for the clock to strike 5am so I can close up, clean, and smoke a cigarette in the theater while finishing SquirtWoman III with Cytheria and Tianna Lynn.
4am rolls around, and I've got my exact number of trash bags with the mop bucket already filled with one gallon bleach, Fabuloso, water, Comet, and I would spit in there once. It was a habit that originated from nothing, really.
On the camera, I see approaching lights. A Scion pulls up into my parking lot and this young kid walks out, wearing a gray wifebeater and slacks. He's got muscles to show that he's been to the gym a bit and a face that forces me to card this kid. I glance at the ID and look at him as he pulls the one half of the hair covering his left eye out of his face.
He wanders around the amateur section for a while. He'd glance at me, thinking he was inconspicuous, but very obvious and suspicious to me. I keep an eye on him, because I'm not in the mood to have to chase out a kid who could steal something from me. It would ruin my entire shift!
I'll write the rest in a bit. Just got off work.
fuck man
He's probably still asleep.
Sorry, beer and woman time called me away.
So I remember him giving those slightly panicked eyes. He was picking up DVDs and not even looking at them...just my general direction. Calmly, I stand up, and make my way behind the register, and Joe's Stick.
Joe's Stick was a formidable opponent. A thick wooden cane, used originally for my samurai training in the parking lot at dawn. I discreetly began limbering up. Pulling my foot upwards towards my abdomen and making accompanying compensating noises. he was no longer discreet with his stare.
-That's right, mother fucker. Don't fuck with me.-
He began to wander through the other isles as I remained diligent and the omniscient eye in this fucker's soon-to-be-brief visit to my Jack Shack.
He comes up to the counter and meekly gives an exhaled "hi". I give the standoffish "S'up buddy."
"...um...are you a rocker?"
My eyebrow raises. "Excuse me?"
"Like...into rock music. Are you into it?"
"I like all kindsa music, man. What can I do for you?"
"It's cause I work at Club 69. I remember you there. Next week, Three Days Grace is playing there, and I could get you in for free."
"...um...no thanks. I don't really like that band."
"Oh." The kid's face begins to turn a light shade of red. "Well, are you gay?"
Goddammit.
"No." My curt response seemed to shatter himself as he tried to make this moment less creepy.
"...oh. Because if you were, you would be the perfect guy. Just my type." He immediately walks out after saying this, and gets in his car and drives away.
So I remember him giving those slightly panicked eyes. He was picking up DVDs and not even looking at them...just my general direction. Calmly, I stand up, and make my way behind the register, and Joe's Stick.
Joe's Stick was a formidable opponent. A thick wooden cane, used originally for my samurai training in the parking lot at dawn. I discreetly began limbering up. Pulling my foot upwards towards my abdomen and making accompanying compensating noises. he was no longer discreet with his stare.
-That's right, mother fucker. Don't fuck with me.-
He began to wander through the other isles as I remained diligent and the omniscient eye in this fucker's soon-to-be-brief visit to my Jack Shack.
He comes up to the counter and meekly gives an exhaled "hi". I give the standoffish "S'up buddy."
"...um...are you a rocker?"
My eyebrow raises. "Excuse me?"
"Like...into rock music. Are you into it?"
"I like all kindsa music, man. What can I do for you?"
"It's cause I work at Club 69. I remember you there. Next week, Three Days Grace is playing there, and I could get you in for free."
"...um...no thanks. I don't really like that band."
"Oh." The kid's face begins to turn a light shade of red. "Well, are you gay?"
Goddammit.
"No." My curt response seemed to shatter himself as he tried to make this moment less creepy.
"...oh. Because if you were, you would be the perfect guy. Just my type." He immediately walks out after saying this, and gets in his car and drives away.
I felt bad. I mean, I could recall the times I would see a girl who was at work, and to try to strike up conversation with them was just as nerve wracking. The girls I did that to probably thought I was going to mug them, the way I was admiring them from afar.
As I did my duties, this crossed my mind.
I would mop one room and thought, "Well, he coulda got me free drinks or something."
I would mop the next and think, "I mean, if he offered the free thing, I coulda said 'Sure! My girlfriend loves that band!'"
As I opened the back exit to empty the Fabu-leach-omet-spit concoction and think, "They're people too. I shouldn't be so cold to them. I should've taken it as a compliment."
The door opens and the Scion is parked about 20 yards from the back exit.
I empty the bucket as quick as I could and shove the bucket back inside and as I'm closing the door, the kid yells.
I leave the door barely ajar and he opens his car door and he walks around the back of his car and stops.
He stands right by his car door, belt line wrapped around his thighs, dick out and he's playing with himself.
"Dude! What the fuck?!? Get the fuck outta here before I call the fucking cops!"
He turns around and bends over his trunk. "Please! Fuck my ass!"
I turned around, slammed the door, and made a beeline to my cell phone in the front of the store to call the cops and grab my bo staff. I look into the cameras and he's already made it to the main road.
As I did my duties, this crossed my mind.
I would mop one room and thought, "Well, he coulda got me free drinks or something."
I would mop the next and think, "I mean, if he offered the free thing, I coulda said 'Sure! My girlfriend loves that band!'"
As I opened the back exit to empty the Fabu-leach-omet-spit concoction and think, "They're people too. I shouldn't be so cold to them. I should've taken it as a compliment."
The door opens and the Scion is parked about 20 yards from the back exit.
I empty the bucket as quick as I could and shove the bucket back inside and as I'm closing the door, the kid yells.
I leave the door barely ajar and he opens his car door and he walks around the back of his car and stops.
He stands right by his car door, belt line wrapped around his thighs, dick out and he's playing with himself.
"Dude! What the fuck?!? Get the fuck outta here before I call the fucking cops!"
He turns around and bends over his trunk. "Please! Fuck my ass!"
I turned around, slammed the door, and made a beeline to my cell phone in the front of the store to call the cops and grab my bo staff. I look into the cameras and he's already made it to the main road.
you ever run into any of the more deviant ones outside of work?
Every once in a while. I ran into Big Paul at a Red Lobster with his wife and kids.
One of my old regulars is my hairstylist now. We're cool and he hooks it up.
And the kid aforementioned in the story, works as a bartender at the Cherry Creek Mining Co. That's a notorious gay bar here in El Paso.
I DJ'ed there once, after I left, made good money, but the exposure to the old scene and crowd led to a lot of pestering and it was just too annoying for me to go back.
One of my old regulars is my hairstylist now. We're cool and he hooks it up.
And the kid aforementioned in the story, works as a bartender at the Cherry Creek Mining Co. That's a notorious gay bar here in El Paso.
I DJ'ed there once, after I left, made good money, but the exposure to the old scene and crowd led to a lot of pestering and it was just too annoying for me to go back.
Thundercock got tired of all them grabby little queens?
I kept getting questions like, "OH EM GEE! I didn't know you came to this club! Does that mean you're gay? That's okay! We love straight boys anyways!"
I would get free drinks, but as fen stated before, they start getting grabby. It was just not my scene.
I would get free drinks, but as fen stated before, they start getting grabby. It was just not my scene.
I wish we had more sex toys at my store. the few funny encounters I've had with creepers just aren't enough.
From: Ody Sseus X - the tenth son of the drunken and dyslexic Dr. Suess.
Date: 10/3/09 @ 11:36 PM
440
What store b3cky? i'll go and give you a funny encounter.
Meaning he'll put on a red honk nose on the head of his dick and laugh all "Hyuk Hyuk!"
it's a novelty gift store. we sell a lot of stupid stuff shaped like dicks and boobs.
Like salt and pepper shakers and stuff?
That's the thing, and really the main conflict of the store while I worked there.
They were revoking the licenses to sell anything of a phallic nature in El Paso, and wanted that to carry over to our store.
We used our New Mexico address to bail us out when questions got tossed out, but that didn't stop the city council from trying to shut us down with raids or undercovers.
They were revoking the licenses to sell anything of a phallic nature in El Paso, and wanted that to carry over to our store.
We used our New Mexico address to bail us out when questions got tossed out, but that didn't stop the city council from trying to shut us down with raids or undercovers.
From: Ody Sseus X - the tenth son of the drunken and dyslexic Dr. Suess.
Date: 10/3/09 @ 11:54 PM
445
Shibby is working late night. Maybe one of the nights we've heard about, when all of a sudden the door breaks down. 20 men in bullet proof vests, helmets and bullet proof shields break down the door.
"SWAT TEAM! GET ON YOUR KNEES! HANDS UP!! ON YOUR KNEES!!!"
Shibby stares blankly at the men, all the patrons of the store drop down. Some in rather unclean areas. A man walks in, slowly. He is wearing the same outfit, the vest, the helmet, but he looks like he has authority. He has a thick mustache and pursed lips.
"Mighty big stash you got here shibby." *picks up dildo* "we got you this time. there is no way out. you could do some serious time... 10, 15 years. *sets down dildo, picks up vibrator* ah, see you got the hard stuff too... *clicks it once, light vibration* tsk tsk. how can you live with yourself. *clicks it off* now we could put you away for a very long time. By the time you get out, porn will be holographic. You want to see holographic porn dont you? Well you cant! BECAUSE SCUM LIKE YOU DONT DESERVE 3D BOOBS!!!*slams vibrator on table* now... *takes deep breath* we could turn a blind eye. All this could go away, IF and only if, you lead us to your supplier. we got bigger fish to fry."
Shibby blinks twice.
"SWAT TEAM! GET ON YOUR KNEES! HANDS UP!! ON YOUR KNEES!!!"
Shibby stares blankly at the men, all the patrons of the store drop down. Some in rather unclean areas. A man walks in, slowly. He is wearing the same outfit, the vest, the helmet, but he looks like he has authority. He has a thick mustache and pursed lips.
"Mighty big stash you got here shibby." *picks up dildo* "we got you this time. there is no way out. you could do some serious time... 10, 15 years. *sets down dildo, picks up vibrator* ah, see you got the hard stuff too... *clicks it once, light vibration* tsk tsk. how can you live with yourself. *clicks it off* now we could put you away for a very long time. By the time you get out, porn will be holographic. You want to see holographic porn dont you? Well you cant! BECAUSE SCUM LIKE YOU DONT DESERVE 3D BOOBS!!!*slams vibrator on table* now... *takes deep breath* we could turn a blind eye. All this could go away, IF and only if, you lead us to your supplier. we got bigger fish to fry."
Shibby blinks twice.
Ode.
Your writing astounds me. DO ME NOW
Your writing astounds me. DO ME NOW
Haha, that's good stuff.
You forget. I was a samurai.
Like I mentioned before, the only thing that kept us alive was these elections going on with the chief of police.
http://refusethejuice.typepad.com/thinkaboutit/2007/12/barbara-perez-s.html
In a nutshell, everyone was afraid to bring up the chief's newfound sexual orientation.
He protected us by being a customer and dug himself into a bigger hole...only to come out covered in shit.
Haha. I made myself laugh.
You forget. I was a samurai.
Like I mentioned before, the only thing that kept us alive was these elections going on with the chief of police.
http://refusethejuice.typepad.com/thinkaboutit/2007/12/barbara-perez-s.html
In a nutshell, everyone was afraid to bring up the chief's newfound sexual orientation.
He protected us by being a customer and dug himself into a bigger hole...only to come out covered in shit.
Haha. I made myself laugh.
At least it wasn't the rape tunnel.
I got a mate who lives with a few gay dudes. Anyways one night a dildo gets lost up the back passage and he tries to remove the said item from the boyfriend's butt by using kitchen tongs. the damage to his colon left him in the hospital for three weeks.
Now I gotta say, knwoing the doctors I know, banning phallic shaped objects is going to cause an even bigger problem because people shove ketchup bottles and other stuff up there. Better to have them more widely available with eough intructions on the packaing to ensure safe usage.
Having said that dildos can get quite expensive. So much so that my friend's mum who is a nurse had a guy needing a dildo removed from his colon after it got lodged up there, and so the doctors cut him open, and removed the blood and shit covered dildo and put it in with the medical waste. The uy gets discharged, comes back to the hospital demanding the return of his property. He got pissed off when he found out it was gone forever.
So when I run for mayor. Cheap safe dildos for all!
I got a mate who lives with a few gay dudes. Anyways one night a dildo gets lost up the back passage and he tries to remove the said item from the boyfriend's butt by using kitchen tongs. the damage to his colon left him in the hospital for three weeks.
Now I gotta say, knwoing the doctors I know, banning phallic shaped objects is going to cause an even bigger problem because people shove ketchup bottles and other stuff up there. Better to have them more widely available with eough intructions on the packaing to ensure safe usage.
Having said that dildos can get quite expensive. So much so that my friend's mum who is a nurse had a guy needing a dildo removed from his colon after it got lodged up there, and so the doctors cut him open, and removed the blood and shit covered dildo and put it in with the medical waste. The uy gets discharged, comes back to the hospital demanding the return of his property. He got pissed off when he found out it was gone forever.
So when I run for mayor. Cheap safe dildos for all!
Wait. My spelling is too bad to run for mayor
I'm surprised they didn't keep it for him.
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