Like salt and pepper shakers and stuff?

basically. bottle openers, straws, water bottles, candles, stir sticks, keychains, hats, ear muffs..
just random gag gift stuff. 

Spencer's? 

fazers used to ask me if the last shop I worked at was a spencer's.....I don't know what the fuck it is. 

http://www.spencergifts.com/
No doubt you have a store you know of that sells the same random miscellaneous crap.

I got a belt-buckle flask from there. 

It's a place that looks exactly like your pictures.....lol 

yeah, it looks like we have the same shit...except we have a huge bong, bb gun and weapons section. 

nigeman said:

I got a mate who lives with a few gay dudes. Anyways one night a dildo gets lost up the back passage and he tries to remove the said item from the boyfriend's butt by using kitchen tongs. the damage to his colon left him in the hospital for three weeks.

I don't get it, wouldn't certain objects get pushed out the next time you went to take a dump? 

Sweet. I'm on my way. 

oops....F5'ed. that was for 456....I swear! 

haha.

shit would just get backed up if it's lodged up there far enough. 

But that shit would happen at the porn shop too.
Goddamn it. Way to remind me of another story nige.
Gather 'round children...cause I'm about to tell you a story that had me messed up for a while. 

But first, who wants to spit in the mop bucket? 

Afkamm said:

I don't get it, wouldn't certain objects get pushed out the next time you went to take a dump?

I think you're overestimating the firmness of your dump. 

Yeah, people show up at the hospital from time to time with stuff that slipped in and won't slip out. 

spitting in the mopbucket is pretty much the most beautiful thing i've read on fazed in the couple years i've been lingering around this joint.

in the forthcoming book, i see this little blurb being a perfect prologue to the haunting tales awaiting in the chapters to come. 

I don't get it, wouldn't certain objects get pushed out the next time you went to take a dump?

the problem is that faecal matter is usually quite soft with a large amount of water in them, so it can be swished and formed at will, but if you get something rigid in there it'll get lodged. think of a stick in a drain, now imagine that the drain has soft walls, you get the idea, the surrounding walls and matter are too soft to actively remove something, especially if it is not tapered to leave the exit. 

Shibbyadam spits in the mop bucket 

YEAH BRAH I GOT MY SHIT PUSHED OUT 

I am always getting love from the homies.

http://www.imfdb.org/images/thumb/8/81/Vlcsnap-337921.jpg/600px-Vlcsnap-337921.j pg 

Bump.

Also, MOAR. 

^what he said^ 

thirded 

4th. 

5th.... of whiskey? 

6th sense? 

Bottom of the 7th, two on base 

8th wonder of the world 

/block

MERCY KILL 

Thanks.
It was like the fuckin' 9th circle of hell in here 

I like a perfect 10 

i'd give that an 11 on a scale of 1-10! 

I'll give you a dozen reason why this thread should be locked. 

I implored the woman to cleaneth her teen 

Whoa whoa whoa...the only thing that needs to be locked is your mouf.

Had some issues with my hard drive being erased and a couple of projects. You'll get your damn story, Mr Jameson. And it'll be extra traumatizing. 

yeah, you need to do something to stay on my top 3 list ;-) 

I would like to add my request for more stories... The guys at porn stores around here are shifty and bored at life (no good stories). Please kind sir, can I have some more? 

MOAR. 

The MOARS have it. 

I'm sorry the card says 'Moops' 

Only cause megatropolis asked for it.

Watching the Cruisers play their game became a past time for anyone who worked there. The place never got Wi-Fi nor did any of us care to listen to the radio and sometimes my Nintendo DS's batteries would die. None of my friends were up at 3:45am on a Monday night and so the only source of entertainment was the damn security camera.

Considered the dated CCTV system, everything was in black and white which worked out for the moment streakers as you couldn't see the cock through the bush.
It was a sport that became a guilty pleasure to just watch.
In my head, I'd constantly commentate on what was happening with my bored mind playing John Madden.

"And here we have a newcumer, hailing from east side El Paso. His stride is a bit slanted and his stench is a bit Jack Daniel'ed up."
"Well, we're going to see what he's here for as he passes the singular jack shacks and is making his way towards the end of the hallway."
"I've never seen him here before, Chip, and he's obviously too drunk to care."
"Uh-oh, it looks like he's attracted the attention of the back lot, Dale."
"This does look like it's shaping up to be a good night! He's staggering into booth 20,...no wait....21...no wait,...he's going into the standing room 24! Can you believe it Chip?"
"No I can't, Dale. He's wandered into the lion's den of booths, as the glory hole in that one has seen it's share of action, nor do I think that hole has been properly cleaned."
"Particle board hardened with the casings of millions of would-be strong men and women, this was the same hole that saw the famous Disco Trucker v. 16 dicks..."
"...and he barely made it out of that one standing, Dale. I remember talking to him afterwards and I just remember him saying 'Thank god for kneepads.'"
(Both laugh heartedly.)
"Well, Chip, let's see how this newcumer fares. Why not tell the audience who is on the prowl today?"

"I would be glad to, Dale. First up, we have Chubby Bear. He's in the middle of a separation with his wife and thinks this is the only place where he can be himself. He can best be identified with the same matching dark brown windbreaker with stretch pants hugging his round figure. He has that salt and pepper beard and he has a history of being turned down quite a few times due to his older age and hefty stature."
"He's going to have to step it up to get to this fresh meat because I can see next to him, he's got a seasoned veteran, Chip."

"That is right, Dale. Next to him, pacing around and popping and stretching his neck out is Cruising staple, Wang Mississippi. Hailing from Mississippi, as he reminds me everyday, this Asian man has been a true player of the game as he knows the exact moment to pounce on any subject and make them his proverbial bitch. He easily favored to win this, but we've seen victory slip from his hands a lot recently as he often forgets to put money into the machine causing a DQ from officials."
"Yep, Chip. You gotta keep those Occupied lights lit if you wanna go ahead and get your kicks. Who else is there?"

"Well, one of the other regulars with not exactly what could be called a shining record. He's just simply known as Guitar Center. He hails from Central El Paso and even though the hair has disappeared from the top of his head, his determination is as long as the ponytail he's managed to maintain. Hopefully, he learns from all of the rejections he's had here on the field and steps up his game." 

I remember Guitar Center well. I was a drummer and was DJing at the time and wanted to befriend him, in hopes that he'd hook it up over there, but his silent demeanor made it very difficult to approach him. He just always looked awkward and creepy. I wouldn't even ask him if he needed help while he shopped...

Chubby Bear looked like a Robert. I never knew his name but I would call him Robert nonetheless. A fat Robert who would love to disclose his sexual encounters. Given his stature and character, it was always hard to believe that he was banging this amazingly hot woman while sucking on this built lawyers' dick. But, I always gave him an audience just to amuse him.

Wang...well, Wang hit some hard times. He'd beg to be let in the Arcade as he never had money. I would use the last of the gas in his beat up Dodge Intrepid to hang out at the shop to be around the staff and try to get the staff inserted into him. He was very effeminate and would giggle whenever he would talk about guys. I'd let him in for free just because I always felt bad for him. Cyndra and the boss would kick him out the second they noticed he had no money.

They had their ways of playing the field. Chubby Bear was very forward. If he saw something he liked, he was not afraid to reach out and grab a little cock. If they shoved his hand out of the way, he's still wait till they got into the booth and go to the opposite end and just place his mouth on the hole, hoping they'd just stick their dick in there, never realizing it was him.

Wang loved to play hard to get. He'd stick his hand into the hole and do the "come hither" lure and give a couple hand jerks and leave them wanting it more.

As for Guitar Center,...well, I never really saw him get anything. I'd see him go into a booth and the guy in the other booth would immediately leave.

"...but maybe tonight will be different. This is the house where weirder things have happened."
"That is absolutely right, Dale."

The drunk heads to the wider of the booths, where there's no place to sit but just to stand and jerk. It was the booth closest to the camera so sounds from in there were really clear to the microphone.

"As the 3 stand, waiting for his Occupied light to go on, you can feel the tension rising as they're not exchanging glances and trying to play off how badly they want to put this guy's penis in their orifices."
"No one wants to go home empty mouthed tonight, Chip."
"No they don't and there's the light! No one makes the obvious sudden first move."
"Chip, they don't want to seem that desperate, but it looks like the tension is building for Chubby Bear. He's breathing quite heavily and he makes the first move..."
"Let's see how this plays out."
"...his light goes on."
*silence* 

"OH! And he steps out, not even a full 3 minutes for the dollar. No sound means that he tried, but nothing. The light goes off for the drunk,...and comes back on as he puts in another dollar into the arcade vending machine. What do you think happened, Dale?"

"I think his anxiety got the best of him. I'm sure he went in there and probably appeared at the hole like Pennywise in the gutter."

"The only thing getting blown off is Bear as he makes his way towards the front of the counter and-"

"Well, I'm going to go home. It's late." He tells me. "You have a good night."
He saves as much face as he can.

While he's said bye to me and pulled me out of my delusional world, I noticed that the recently unoccupied room has taken a new temporary tenant. I immediately assume it's Wang as the door is closed but the light isn't on.

Guitar Center walks heel to toe, quietly, in front of the booths trying to hear what's going on without ruining whatever "mood" there needs to be for just getting off.

...I can hear it. A click of a tongue. The sound of a belt buckle lightly tapping the particle board. The haunting, quiet exhale of a man enjoying himself. *shudder*

"Games over everyone! Wang, predictably takes this victory and shoves the whole victory in his mouth."
"Well, we want to thank our sponsors for tonight's game. Monster Energy Drink, Marlboro, and Duracel. Without them, none of this would of happ-"
"Hoooold on a minute, Chip! I'm hearing some strange conversation, let's go live and amplified!"
"If what I can hear is correct, the drunk wants Wang to take it in the ass."
"Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh! Wang, trying to keep his delicate attributes, declines and exits the booth!"

Will Guitar Center take it?

...shit. Of course he does. He goes in, closes the door and gives me every reason to mute the camera and go outside for an extended smoke break and mental cleansing. 

Yay for guitar guy! 

The reason I tell that story is because, I went to Guitar Center today with my girlfriend and ran into him.
I've seen him there before, and always meant to write that story about him. 

Fuckin' dirty 

Chubby Bear looked like a Robert. I never knew his name but I would call him Robert nonetheless. A fat Robert who would love to disclose his sexual encounters.

DUDE
keep me on the dl k 

'Guitar Center' as a nickname is fucking hilarious, it really paints a picture of that guy 

http://elpaso.en.craigslist.org/ret/1460339398.html

...they're hiring. 

great speelers too apparently. 

You have to sometimes apply "ealier" before you apply earlier.