yea...theres a right way to get herpes. 

You wish there was!

I wish I was done taking this crap! 

Granted. Your ass sews itself shut.

I still want my sloth. 

granted!

but then sloth rapes you leoluigi-style.

i wish i could be posting in the who-got-laid thread tonight. 

Granted...

now you have sloth herpes 

damn you! BMD711111 

I wish Chuck Norris was here... [nsfw] 

Granted, but you'll never feel adequate again.

I wish I had a motorcycle. 

Granted...

but a bowling pin has no hands for the cliutch...

I wish I had more sex 

Granted by now your wife is preggo with twins!

I wish someone could make my next captin & coke for me. 

can I take back my last wish? 

Granted, but instead of Captain Morgan, someone substitutes Captain Kirk.

I wish I could lose some weight. 

Yes, you can take it back, but you have to take it through the wrong hole.

I wish for World Peace. 

Granted, but there are no boards with nails in them. Anywhere.

I wish I had a vodka fountain 

[/quote]I wish for World Peace.[quote]

I wish I had an original fucking thought in my head. 

Granted...

you...

ok...I got nothing...like your pants 

whostolemypants said:

I wish I had an original fucking thought in my head.

Granted, but it'll require you to have three additional penises attatched. To your face. :) 

You forgot to make a wish, but something bad will happen to you anyway.

I wished I knew if Jamie likes me back. 

Granted, but you find out jamie is a homosexual.

I wish theirs new naruto tonight. 

Granted, but it's just going to be of someone having a flashback of an episode you've already seen 4 times.

I wished I weren't so damn horrible with saving money. 

Granted, you're now a broke ass bitch. You can't save what you don't have.

I wish I could get my 4th month old so to say 'daddy' 

Granted, but he only says it to the neighbor.

I wish my son could walk talk and eat. 

Granted - but he says it to your neighbor
I wish were camping with a few freinds and plenty of beer 

DOH! PURPwnd
stupid F5 

I love how we said the same thing. 

I wish were camping with a few freinds and plenty of beer

Granted, but it's only draft beer.

I wish I could weigh people. 

I love how we said the same thing.

I was typing it and thinking (cool his post was over an hour ago - no way someone will post over top of me. Hit SEND - BAM hahahahaha 

I wish I could weigh people.

Granted - But they must stand on your face to be weighed

I wish I was in the same shape I was 15 years ago 

Granted, you're in the same shape but only physically, you're now a vegetable.

I wish I could go to Japan. 

Granted, but you can only speak sign language

I wish for a nightlight 

Granted, but unbeknownest to you, due to poor internal wiring, it is a major fire hazard.

I wish for good health. 

Granted, but you get hit by a bus the next day.

I wish for a good cup of coffee. 

Granted - but it's spilled on your lap - immediately

I wish I had another Harley 

Granted, but your wife blows Hell's Angels for coke

I wish for Bret Hart sunglasses 

Granted - But you must wear his gay pink tights for the rest of your life

I wish I were living in Hawaii again 

Granted, but it turns out, they're David Spade sunglasses, you've been had.

I wish I had more than $17.45 in my checking account. 

Granted. Now you have $17.46 with a notice of "under minimum balance" penalty of $10.

I wish I had a completely normal turkey sandwich where the bread is nice and moist with some good mustard and tomato slices and nothing is rotting or alive. 

Granted - - but there is a giant turd (taking the palce of two olives)with toothpicks stuck through it and down through the sandwich

I wish all the dog shit in the yard would clean itself up 

Granted. The dog shit begins to swirl up in a magical ball, still moist and a bit steamy. The dry crusty bits are in the inside, and the ball seeks for a place to deposit itself, rolling through your house, over your carpeting, and finally into a bathroom trash can, where it's become smaller by half due to it's trip throughout the house.

I had high speed internet access from this house. 

Granted, but your internal network consists of gerbils which relay packets between themselves.

I wish I didn't have a plantars wart 

you..you have plantar warts.. forever

AM I DOIN IT RITE? 

No, and you are teh ghey.

I wish i could invent something awesome. 

You did, but someone else got the patent

I wish I had a big pickup truck for camping in the back country 

Granted, but gas prices go up to $400 a gallon.

I wish Scotland would win the World Cup 

a wish 

Granted, but all the players test positive for steroids and it gets taken away

I wish for my own apartment 

Granted, but it will be a shared prison cell.

I wish I was completely free 

Granted, but you're a tree hugging hippy.

I wish yobo's bum was cuddling my peen. 

It is, but the rest of yobo has been trimmed away, so its a bit nasty looking

I wish my hands were bigger 

Granted, but the are so big, you cant lift them off the ground.

I wish I had a 2x4 with some old rusty nails poked throught it.